yeah boy, i'm writing this blog at a not-so-earthly hour of nearly 4am in the morning - can't really fall asleep. i'm having a massive increase in basal thought patterns which is not a good thing, however there is a fair chance that this is a time when the inner "genius" in me can be awakened with the low stimulation to my mind.

there's something that i accidentally came across just two days back. a person who i respected seemed to have faltered... not a bit, but from top dog to rock bottom. i am not sure if the table already had calculated the nett difference for his business, but it's in the red - and it's severely red! just about a week back, eileen told me that from her experience, the instant top dogs would cease to be around the next year. kind of reminds me what is happening to britney spears and lindsay lohan. absolutely chilling, the similarities.

why am i mentioning this out of a sudden?

i admit, i am concerned that i may have this similar streak in me. it's absolutely horrid, to have such a subconscious program running in one's head. all the hard work put in over a period of time can just get wasted, just like that.

when people happen to ask me what my religion is these days, i reply them that i'm more spiritual than anything- i'm working to apply the principles as mentioned in the book the power of now by eckhart tolle. i want to be the watcher of my thoughts.

after the death of ryan shay from an apparent heart related background; during the u.s. national men's marathon trials, i'm set off wondering... by conventional logic, exercise leads to generally healthier lives; however hypertrophy of the heart (in size and/or thickness of heart walls) may lead higher risk of death.

it seems to draw a parallel with a few local cases:
1. oct 22 2005 - hewlett-packard staff ho wai piew (triathlon)
2. mar 26 2006 - colonel bernard tan (biathlon - swim/run)
3. jun 24 2007 - thaddeus cheong (triathlon)

odd similarity or coincidence, all the deceased were taking part in multisports. so far i don't recall any other local athlete dying during any solo-sport (in modern singapore history, though i'm not a historian nor i am that old to be one...) i look back at the last time i had enough of triathlon (osim triathlon 2004) as my first and last olympic distance triathlon - i had then said that i was concerned about the safety in terms of overcrowding on a small loop course. it took me some time to actually realize that i was constantly in a rat-race with myself that i wasn't even aware of - trying to push my heartrate to its limits each time, motivated by a drive to overtake "that other person in front of me"; and to do a personal record for a given event.

does that mean sport is like courting death?

heck, no!

i still believe in sporting activities to keep a basic level of general well-being, just that i keep in mind that being able to do minor athletics from time to time may not indicate a level of safety - akin to how we as trainee physical education teachers were originally dumbstruck when we were asked about the differences between "wellness, health and fitness" during the opening of our course.

i'll still do my once-in-a-few-weeks offroad biking and practice my total immersion strokes, but that's about it. i'm still gonna let myself enjoy pizza, chocolates and satay. it seems that it is now my time to realize one of the many reasons why people choose to leave competitive sports - because our families is what we have only for once.

shakespeare summed it best thus far - "to be or not to be, that is the question."

ref: usatoday