take a walk around town with...

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

i have been reflecting on the past few months' hectic schedule. yes, there was the earnings that i couldn't have imagined had i stayed on in teaching. yes, there were the occasions when i could bring my family out for the occasional meal - that was something i never did when i was a teacher.

ironically, now after i left teaching, i learnt a lot more than i had the chance to teach - which i'd rather call "share" since it puts people more at a peer to peer level rather than teacher-student.

but as i look deep within... and having just finished todd duncan's time traps... the closing chapters reminded me to find that thing (or things) that really mattered to me... to find back the life energy that are neglected in my life thus far.

one thing i know i'm in lack of - an intimate relation and affectionate hugs. goodness gracious! as i look back, it's been just under eight years since my first (and last) relation with a girl. it's a paradox, the more i earn, the less i feel human. personally i attribute that to the lack of a close companion (or friend) to walk through this passage called life together. granted, one does not have to have a companion to succeed (depending on how you define it) - but does more money fill the soul in us? is it not innately in us to share our ups and downs with a significant other?

some things i have been pondering over:
what are the values that being a life insurance agent give me?
what are my real unfulfiled desires?
what really drives me?
what would i do, and be, if i had no obligations and responsibilities?
what do i want to do for the world?
what legacy do i want to leave for the world?

this reminds me of a poem i read in secondary one (i can't remember it of course, i googled it):


What is this life if full of care
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep, or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this, if full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies 1871 - 1940