last night i hitched another ride to potong pasir, courtesy of my
bde rsm. along the way, i've learnt to look at him differently. he's more human than his typical carriage tells of him; and he gave some advice to me that i feel are indeed genuine - topics such as general planning for the long term, a dash of finances, a sense of ownership of being a singaporean, and some other stuff i can't really recall off-hand now.
on the topic of ownership as a singaporean, he said that if i've had that feeling of wanting to pick that piece of litter that is strewn around our place, then i would not be the typical indifferent "singaporean", because i've taken a sense of ownership of where i stay. this i gladly agree - i was amazed in my earlier years, because
lee phui mun would actually go on her rounds of the vjc campus, and actually pick up litter to throw away. you don't normally see that of your principal, do you? i must attribute my keen sense of ownership to her, because had i not see it, i wouldn't have seen her humble side, despite comments about her being high-handed, and unfeeling.
reminds me of which, i better get a sense of ownership of what i call "my room", because it's in a damned mess still!
but realistically, most of the small little things that we foul up on, can be traced back to a lack of ownership. late for school? lack of ownership over the fact that one should be punctual, or even early for school. losing one's 11b, or handphone? lack of ownership. loss of girlfriend? loss of ownership... of each other.
one of the things that i forgot to mention about the last post i wrote, was that i'm seeing the longer term truth about being attached/hitched. i'm not uncommittal, but when the word "finances" pop up in a relation, the actual headache of having one breadwinner while the other looks after the newborn etc, makes me ponder, if i should live my life by myself, and do the stuff i enjoy anyway. i wrote some time back too, that i enjoy the feeling of "being away from it all" when i was in tioman - heck, i still miss that feeling to date - and i still want to do marathons, biathlons, triathlons, and perhaps one day, adventure racing too - but how will i be able to come across a girl who has the same interests too? i mean, i still can do those sports being hitched to a sedentary girl, but there would be quality time lost. why quality time? it's only through hardship of these sports, that i learn more about myself. like last saturday when i was contemplating quitting because i did the dead slowest swim i did in a long long time, and i thought of cutting my losses because my left knee was agonizing me with each step i took; but i carried on anyway, and after some analysis, i still held on to the 20th rank for the fastest run leg for the men's open category, though the time of 23++ minutes for the 5k is nothing to crow about.
it wouldn't be fair to say that i have a dream girl, because it's one-sided, but names like
jeanette and
vicky pop will come up if i'm hard-pressed for it. like it says on
jeanette's site,
"
i have fought the good fight... i have finished the race... i have kept the faith - 2 timothy 4:7
racing in a triathlon, puts three forms of exercise fatigue on an individual, regardless of being amateur, or professional. even professional triathletes will have at a time or other, a feeling of wanting to cut their losses and pull out from a race. i'm reminded of a time when i read of a one-liner about running a marathon - "
the half-marathon mark is the toughest - it's where you have to decide between wanting to quit and wanting to carry on." i've said it before that sport is how i found myself, and learnt more about myself, never will i quit it. no sport, no me.
sport forver.