yesterday was fine. i was at the src yesterday evening and i picked up my 2nd ever ivp tracktop and the running attire. although i'm the reserve for two events - the 3000 meter steeplechase and the 5000 meter races. but it feels so different from the days of wearing the ivp tracktop when i was from ngee ann poly. not to say it's an inferior instituition, but rather the fact that probably the reason is that ngee ann's tracktop was made by fbt while ntu's is by tyr. different class, i think.

anyway, for the eed102 tutorial, i was asleep again... but this time, nearing the start of the 3rd hour of tutorial, i woke up full attention when the topic we were discussing switched to viewpoints regarding the gifted education program, and children with learning disabilities. i pointed out that i agreed wholeheartedly with robert kiyosaki that there is no such thing as a stupid human being. and the story about the academic and the mechanic from page 56/57 from his first book, if you want to be rich and happy, don't go to school? provoked much thought amongst my tutorial group, i hope. stupidity is something that high, fearful, hateful people impose on those others to capitalize on their weaknesses!

remember, winners compare themselves against others' strengths, but losers compare themselves to others' weaknesses... which side are you on?

phew. good thing that my computer is really up and running now. exchanged for a kt7a version 1.2 yesterday, thanks to william of convergent. today right after the last lesson (invasion/territorial games) i went over to the nie swimming pool for a dip. glad to see so many people there - loqman, wooi ling, dylan, lincoln, angie and a few more i think. surprised to meet two ex-vs boys from the same batch - yongchao from 4f, and don lee from 4e.

went over to popular bookstore in jurong point and got myself a rubber magnet pad, some markers and some paper for tomorrow's ecm102 presentation. lena and zurinah had every reason to fume at me for my apparent bochupness in the group presentation thing. oh well. sorry folks, if you can read here. and i went a lil' over the top and bought 12 packs of chips ahoy!... the 95 gram per package version. found it is more value-priced at $1.20 instead of the 160 gram package selling at $2.20 at ntuc jurong point. hehe... i think most people would go nuts if they saw how many packs i bought! "wah, this siao lang can buy big pack don't want, go buy so many small packs..."

good. my computer is back running all over again.

here's something that i don't wanna miss out adding in here. in the evening, i thought and felt that since i wouldn't stand much of chance with adeline, it's probably time to move on, i don't know. i sms-ed her "think it's a good idea for you to stay away from me..." and i can't remember the rest of the message, but the contents was it was at her best interest that she distances herself away from me, because i'm not exactly mentally sound. no, it'm not that i don't like her i mean, it's just that i do really like her a lot, but her "no feeling" quote just left me feeling empty. i feel so angry, bitter and hurt. who says a guy can't be sensitive?

anyway, during the eed102 lecture, i felt as if i have this thing known as adhd. even the lecture, for once, sounded solemn. my heart is half dead, i'm unable to communicate my inner realm of feelings to anyone because i don't know how to articulate it into words. all i ever wanted is a girlfriend whom i can confide in, and vice versa. is it that much to hope for?...

there has been major update to this blog... read below!
well. you, yes, the faithful site readers of this humble site of mine - i know you want to know what happened for the date.

here's what i happened in the morning. i went to nus in the morning, and met huiling at the src pool cafe. i paid $1.03 (don't know why they HAVE to make me pay 3 cents, so troublesome to fork it out) and entered the pool. after changing, i went for my swim, and huiling was my timer. i did a couple of 50 and 100 meters freestyle swimming - done in about ~0:45 and 1:47 - 1:55 respectively. pretty fast, considering that i haven't done any swim training in ages! huiling and i parted at the src pool, and we agreed to meet at the ucc in a jiffy. we then proceeded to the science fac canteen for lunch. along the way, i met heng meng. huiling and i finished lunch, and then i passed my copy of rich dad, poor dad to eileen at the bus stop outside the canteen. you won't believe how much kelly chen looks like her - not the other way round! at the same time, we met phuay yong and siying. huiling, eileen and i all hopped on the shuttle bus and travelled for a few stops, and except for eileen, we got off the bus. we bade her goodbye and then huiling and i continued on to clementi central where she got a key duplicated. done that, we left clementi for the mas building, where huiling had some legal documents to settle.

after all these were done, i parted with huiling and left for orchard. i walked into takashimaya sc, looking for a phonebook listing for marche's. i found it and called them up, and made sure that heinz was in. after my initial introduction over the phone to remind him who i was, he ushered me to go over there as soon as possible, since he would probably leave soon. upon reaching, i asked for him at the front entrance - you know where people queue? yes, that's where. so then i was led in to him by lee choo, and heinz was there with a pretty attractive asian lady. she happened to be the wine supplier for marche if i'm not mistaken. heinz asked lee choo to get the moo card application form for me, and soon i was filling up the form. it feels so shiok to be treated like a vip! having done that, she took the card and went to process it in the office. soon enough, i was a holder of a moo card! i bid heinz goodbye and went out window shopping thereafter. of course, lee choo, heinz and janet (the wine person) all wished me luck for the date.

this is what happened for the evening - ah yes, just nice, reached the first level entrance of marche at 6:28pm or so, just on time for the appointment. i went down to the basement entrance and waited for adeline to arrive. we met at the basement entrance to marche's, but she was originally waiting at the ground level entrance. oops. we went into marche, with a few friendlier-than-usual staff (who apparently knew that i was on a date and that i knew heinz) happily serving us. we were shown this table at the far inside of the entire place. placing our bags down, we talked quite a bit, and once we had broken the ice, we walked and strolled to the pizza corner. so we ordered for one pizza. then adeline ordered for some pasta special, asking if i'd prefer cream or tomato. thankfully i said cream, because later she let me know that she chooses not to have tomato... we then left the corner, and proceeded to the crepes - and ordered for one sweet crepe - ham and cheese combo.

i offered to collect the pizza and the pasta special, while she queued to order for the sweet crepe. i was just in time to collect the sweet crepe after being able to collect only the pizza, because the pasta special was placed under her card's order. i went back to our table, placed the food down. she came back at just about the same moment with the pasta special - nice timing. i brought over two ginger beers, and we began to makan.

after what seemed to be an eternity, we finally finished everything, and then proceeded to walk all over orchard. it feels so good to have her for a date. i mean, she's like everything i wished for, in a person - but i wasn't sure if it was the other way round. her eyes. she's gotten me nuts over her because she's so... luscious. she's so girlish too. oh man, i don't know what else i should say - so many things about her that i'm attracted over by. it's wonderful to feel lovey-dovey again.

we then went to the bubble tea shop on the fourth level of wisma atria. she had tenderberry, and i had lovers' tea. we were closer to talking about our relation there... and then it was time for the shop to close. just had a guy from the store to help us take photos of us two. it feels so much more... at peace with everything as my arms went over her shoulder, for our photo. of course, she consented to me doing that in the first place. with nowhere to go and near the end of the night, we sat for a while on these steps leading up to wisma atria. she wanted to know why i've this liking for her - considering that i only met her once before, at denise's birthday. i can't remember what i said, but what she said had the effect of throwing a rock into a tempered glass window - i wasn't broken, but i was deeply and badly shattered. i felt part of my spirit die. adeline did tell me that it was really abrupt that i expressed my liking for her. well, i agree. but then... if that special someone crosses paths with you, shouldn't you just you know, ask her out and date her? it's not that she must be my girlfriend or what, it's just that i would really like her to. now you know why i only had one ex-girlfriend - i never dared to say how i feel. i must break out of this mould, and be someone who i can really be.

time was running late, and then i suggested that we go home. and that's hostel for me, anyway for only this night. i asked for her permission and then escorted her back home. we sat on this bench near her block, and then i expressed how i felt for her. it feels so bittersweet to say to someone you really like her and all she responds with is negative. sob, sob. haven't felt so down so long. guess i'm pretty sensitive, after all. i guess i should be thankful that she even agreed in the first place to meet me alone - i'm really glad about it - but i wish there was more. i then went with her to the life of her block, on the first floor, and bade her goodnight. reflecting on the immediate things in the night, as she said she didn't feel anything for me... i was slowly dying inside, deep in me. my spirit has started to drift off my body... my heart was being choked to death by an anaconda. i wanted to cry. i had this sense of bitterness that welled up inside me. i just started running my way to the train station, to make my way back to the ntu hostels.

*this following part took place on saturday wee hours*
took the last train to only reach boon lay interchange/mrt just a minute past midnight, and i instinctively ran as i suspected this 199 bus pulling up at the berth. almost made it, then... it pulled away. damned. and i didn't have enough cash to last me for a day in my wallet. so what could i do? i walked back to ntu in 40 minutes or so, to put up at alwyn's reached his hostel, to see hui, debbie and ban hwee all in as well. it started to unnerve me, when four other human beings are able to connect and communicate with each other and i'm not able to. worst part was when the others were talking about complex guitar play, i downloaded this song by bozzio levin stevens - duende, which has this latiny cheemistry in it. and when i played it back, i just can't get any attention from them - they were all talking amongst themselves on the other side of the room. anyway, i felt like fuck. i mean, i'm in alwyn's hostel, along with ban hwee, debbie and hui. i can't seem to get any attention whenever i speak. or try to speak. what is wrong with me? then it was 4am, and they finally wanted to sleep. i thought that i could finally use the computer to update this blog, but alwyn asked me to turn it off so the others could sleep. then hui said that the light from the monitor was a tad too much. so what could i do? i just packed up my stuff and just walked out of the hostel. i was feeling really stormy. touch me and you'll DIE. it definitely isn't a pretty sight to see me like that. i cannot control my emotions. and you know why i had to use alwyn's computer? because my abit motherboard screwed up on me. great. the world doesn't really seem to be a lovely place after all.

i walked back, feeling stormy and all, back to nie. i slept for about two to at most four hours at two places - the first being the wooden benches at pe block's basement one. second? just behind the staircase in the quadruple squash courts. the rest of saturday was much better. had my general elective, and then i was hooked to trying to keep my balance on this stabilometer thing - as much as i could for 30 seconds. i managed 28+ seconds on my best try. not able to come close to judith's 29.991 seconds though. gulp. i left the nie open house and headed for yongxi's hostel in the afternoon and made some corrections and minor additions to this blog. and guess what? this means that this blog can't be updated instanteously as i experience things and such. damned. anyway, at about four, i went off with the other interhall runners from hall ten to go to the cultural center for the interhall road relay. man, i was the first runner for my team. think i managed fine though. i just came back right behind milton. bad karma for him? he was doing 7:47 or 7:52 the last time we did the practice round two weeks back. anyway, he estimated that we did about 7:30 for the race, judging from that we're the first runners for our two hall ten teams. that would mean that i improved over two minutes for this route, compared to my first time trial! oh yes, there's something worth of mention too - jeanette received some bad press from some of my hall mates, mentioning that she has some airs about herself, wearing the oakley pro m frames as she runs. so what - i would have done the same thing too myself. but the final salvo came in the form of her performance - 8:15 - as good as a typical to not-bad guy's timing for the route! gulp!

ah ok, done for this part. went back to hall with the rest of the hall ten-ers and then i had dinner of chicken teriyaki don at hall 11's canteen. met my next door neighbour from hostel james there. then i took a bus back to nie in time for the open house "wayang", as i call it. we were all playing games to demonstrate to radm. teo chee hean, as representatives of the pess (physical education and sports science) group. once that was done and over with, we packed up our equipment after all the guests were gone. then siva shouted - "it's jiahui's birthday!" oh man, you would have so much fun watching us manhandling her into the pool... haha... the birthday dunking! but some idiot - don't know who - as i was trying to swing her out of my arms, tipped me over my center of gravity and there - i joined hui in the pool by falling onto her as we both fell in... GRRR... lol... at least she got a lot more water than i did...

soon after, thinking all was fine and over with, then it was wooi ling's turn! this time i got smarter... as i was wet, right at the edge of the pool, i decided to pull off a kamikaze with her... i was like holding her seated in my arms, and i was telling the other guys to let go... without a war cry, i just jumped right into the pool with her in my arms! haha... that was sooooo fun! i mean, how often can a guy do that to a girl?

and finally, it was dylan's turn! mr. family man was captured by a smaller troup, smaller than each of the girls', and some guys like siva joined him in too! not bad fun you know!

after washing up, et al, we all took 179 to leave nie/ntu. we were supposed to go for supper, but then i wasn't feeling good again. as the rest were moving off the bus, only two bothered to knock on the glass that separated us from on the bus and off the bus - first siva and later, debbie. i had to have my own time to wallow in my self-despair. frustrations of my life, of late.

hmm. seems like my schedule for friday is as follows - i'll be meeting huiling (my close close mei) at the nus src swimming pool in the morning for a swim, then after that i might be able to meet adeline for lunch in nus. after that, in the evening, i should be meeting adeline again at marche's where we'll be having dinner. thereafter, probably some walking and window shopping along orchard. maybe after everything i might be privileged enough to send her home. oh my goodness! i can't wait to see her!

hmm. seems like my schedule for friday is as follows - i'll be meeting huiling (my close close mei) at the nus src swimming pool in the morning for a swim, then after that i might be able to meet adeline for lunch in nus. after that, in the evening, i should be meeting adeline again at marche's where we'll be having dinner. thereafter, probably some walk and window shopping along orchard. maybe after everything i might be privileged enough to send her home. oh my goodness! i can't wait to see her!

well, started the day thinking tat i might catch a fever and stay down for the rest of the week... and subsequently missing the date with adeline. no man, that catastrophe will NOT happen in any case... in the early afternoon, i played badminton and did what i thought were good "slicing" smashes and drop shots. later, after being dismissed for the day, i went swimming in the nie pool. had a good dip, but i think i lost my tyr plastic bag that is meant to contain my trunks. nevermind, i'll ask for one or two more when i pay sportz and fitness team's office soon.

went out to meet toh who's a beginner in scsi at the lavender mrt station at about six-thirty. had a good talk with him for about 45 minutes regarding scsi, sharing a bit of my knowledge upon the topic. later on i went back to magic cut to get a nice hairdo, in time for my date with adeline. oh my goodness, she's always on my mind! but i like it! anne (from magic cut) was the one doing my hair today since xiaoyang wasn't around. she's a pretty nice and pretty lass hailing from pahang. no, but in the end, it's still adeline for me, you understand?

anyway, i also had this fabulous beef kway teow at lorong 9 geylang. it's soooo good!

just took the fruit test just now, here's my outcome:



anyway, i'm halfway on the verge of falling sick. feeling somewhat warm in my body. not good! but one thing of interest today. with travelling along braddell road with zongde in his car, we actually saw a nissan skyline gt-r! its license plate was EE100J. it sures give a thrill to see this real sportscar on the road. woah!

YES! i'm going out with adeline on friday! yaay!

yawn. woke up not too long ago, thanks partially to mom's nagging. hmm... later i'm gonna join hui to go to chc, and thereafter i'm gonna go over to hostel to clear out at least my scanner, i think. it's incredible... wait! i don't have my hostel key anymore! argh!

anyway, gotta work up something more concrete with adeline. ooh boy, can't wait for a date with her!

hmm... adeline messaged me telling me that next friday would be a day where we could go out for a meal. boy, am i delighted or what! that means that i better try to find heinz at marche's real quick. i mean, he's the general manager, you know? maybe i could even get a heftier discount rate through him? who knows?

still haven't done up the powerpoint presentation that is due tonight. barf.

ooh-la-la... just got like... a couple more of hours to rush through this powerpoint based assignment i have. objective? just to create a powerpoint slide of 5 slides teaching a topic. tada. duh... gotta get started now....

today i had a real late start to life - i woke up at 3:30pm! man... not swimming after so long, yesterday's swim took quite a toll on me.. my shoulder blades are screaming, my hair is in a mess (is it related?) and then i'm still thinking of adeline. oh, and my eyes are still bleary too... just had a sausage mcmuffin for breakfast at about 4pm (a bit late, i know) and now i'm gonna die of thirst... better grab a drink or just plain ol' tap water to down soon... ok, this is all for my post!

hmm. maybe i should ask a buddy of mine to snap a pic of me in my trunks before/during/after my swim next time round... wait... i don't think i should... because my photo of me in my blue batik pattern tyr trunks will lead many girls astray... hehe eh, but then again, most girls would kill each other off just to snag even a scrawny guy without obvious abs nor pectorals... all that is needed to drive some of them nuts is a flat tummy which is what i have... wait... i shouldn't tell so much about how i look... i feel so bad!

adeline ar, adeline. do you know how many times i think of you daily? the answer? it's just once a day.

just one time for each and every day - 24 hours each time...

just out from the pool after a midday swim... swimming now feels so hard since i've not done it for ages. anyway, guess that i'd taking on the singapore biathlon and of course the nus biathlon... danged... this keyboard is spoilt... nie... government agency that may not be able to have fully functional keyboards... sigh...

hmm. just did my "pai du" business... now sitting in front of my computer desk, as per usual. i'm contemplating if i should switch groups to join gareth or esther back at the company. i mean, the way things are now, it's kind of hopeless if i'm stuck with three other guys whose ugly singaporean side surface oh-so-often right? i mean, they're wonderful guys to have fun with... but when i'm trying to suggest something for the good of the group... no one listens! it's not the first time... actually i've been thinking back more about my involvement in group tmm, is it because my uplines are more to aggressive in their approach? seriously, after working with josslin for the past weekend, i think she's given me a very good insight to assist me in opening my eyes and heart about what i've been repressed with... things that i pray internally everytime, "oh please, don't let that happen again", and being made the butt of jokes and jabs in our group of four. even richard branson said, "i don't mind being the fool if it can help the party", or something close to that. but for him in the end, people respect him still... but how about me? i'm just a nobody...

it's drawing closer and closer... teaching practicum... i'm still feeling mixed because i can't figure out whether i can take charge of the kids that i'm delegated to, at whichever primary school that i go to... i took a couple of photos of my neighbor's grandson, he's so cute! he's like 18 months old and he can say and wave me byebye...

oh adeline, oh adeline... i'm sure hope this isn't the case, but each and every time that i sms you, when you don't reply back... i get panicky in my heart - because i'm don't know if you're turned off by my probably incessant sms-ing. would you tell me? do really long to hear your voice again... i hope you can't wait to see me again... because i can't wait to see you again...

suddenly realized that i could update my website from blogspot immediately even from nie... right now it's 12:48pm, just had a lunch of that fish burger from the canteen. bought one more extra so that ms. ho can munch on it later during the maths tutorial. imagine, such a poor thing that she doesn't have time to chow down lunch... and mind you, our tutorial ends at 5:30pm!

just sms-ed adeline... reminding her to sleep early... because if not, she'd end up with panda eyes like me... or worse still, like what i have now... this queer feeling of a loss of sensation... i mean, i can feel that i'm sweating or what, but then i don't feel the normal sensations of touch and such that i would, if i'm ok. as usual, i slept at about 2:30am this morning - see my last blog for the more accurate timing...

hmm. i've still got like... one and a half hours to the maths tutorial. i'm gonna take a nap now and then proceed to the tutorial just in time... zzzz...

According to the Which Sanrio Character Are You? quiz, I am:

hmm. i'm starting to have fun with this blog stuff now. gotta upload my updated webpage right.... now!

today i'm feeling kind of sick. don't know why, but i conclude it's the result of sleeping at 4am for two days straight. and that doesn't even include the mentioning of waking up at 6am for both days. plus the 1 hour plus bus ride via express 502 to boon lay, to nie. i'm bushed, and really tired. today i sms-ed adeline, asking her about our date scheduled for on the 26th of this month. oh, by the way, i think i'm the only party who's refer to this arrangement as a date. but if a guy asks a girl out, it would be called a date anyway, wouldn't it be?

actually, i sms-ed adeline at the start, asking her if she would mind joining me at the pjc cultural night, scheduled for the 26th as well, to be held at the scgs auditorium. she replied that she would be free that day, and hence gave me the green light. boy, was i jubilant at reading her reply! i had to juggle the potential of running the ihg road relay for hall ten at 5pm on that very same day, then came yesterday, when i suddenly realised that the 26th was also the nie open house, and for the fact that radm. teo chee hean was coming, we nie people (aka civil servants) have to make ourselves present at nie for the day. so i have to be there during the night-time from about 8 to 9pm, for our own pess sporting display. so i've got a big problem! how to fit three events into the same day?

then during the bus ride to nie in the morning, i figured out that watching jamiroquai live in singapore was a good idea. my goodness, i actually took the cue from tvmobile! but whether she likes their music... compounded by the fact that it's on a tuesday... it sounds not that positive to myself even. anyway, i'm not a jamiroquai fan, but i like the brand of music they make, whatever it's called. so right now i'm waiting for an answer from her regarding this issue.

oh God, please help me! please don't let me hang out alone anymore... i really long for adeline's company...